WRITING

                           This is my writing last week Friday.

                                                       CIRCUS

‘Welcome to the circus’ said John ‘WEE HOO’ the audience happily

clapped as they got into their seats. ‘Hello everyone our group is called

the five we are going to    

     present the most dangerous talent ever!  So the group came out to get ready for 

                                                         the show.

First the Five started the walking rope while juggling so the first animal the

saber tooth tiger  went to walk the rope but as he was walking he was struggling

to walk so one of the instructions went up the ladder to get a stick so the tiger can

focus walking but as he got up the tiger was so so hungry so he thought it was a

random so the 

                           The tiger tried to rush his walking to get to the man.

Suddenly the tiger struggled and falled slowly down the rope into a big bucket

that was opened, ‘Oh my god’ said one of the audience then the whole group all

went down to the tiger to check if he was alright but the tiger didn't move at all so

they called the ambulance. They arrived as fast as they could then he checked his

pouls  but he was still breathing, ‘thank god’ said the instructor. 

But as they were getting the saber tiger to safety another tiger was trying to walk

the rope so the group waited to see if he was gonna fall so they can catch him or

catch him in he was walking along the rope like it was nothing then he actually made

it then the instructor 

decided to carry on the show. So then they went to do the high jump so then the five

all jumped it then moved on to the next one holding their breath the longest this talent

has never been shown before so everyone got out their snacks and drinks to enjoy this

dangerous talent. To start off they got the ambulance to come in case the tiger drowns

and then got these kinds of locks so he can balance underwater.

As he went down the instructor was timing how long, pass a few minutes the tiger was

still underwater then a few hours later he still hasn't came up so then they drown the water

then the instructor put a toy tiger in the pool so the audience can think he's dead but he

was actually on the side the whole time so then they opened the bucket so they can see

that the tiger is dead then they put the tiger on top of the circus then he swinged down

the circus suddenly the audience got shocked at the tiger because it wasn't the tiger

that went in the bucket it was the saber tiger that got injured.

Then after the people that were judging the show came on the stage then gave

them the 1st place trophy to the five groups then said ‘   

  well done people and animals you have shown us you can really do dangerous stuff!

After the show was over the group got into the train then got ready to go home but

then one instructor said ‘ I want to leave this circus stuff, i don't like when we get someone

injured, iI want to leave and go rest for three years then come back.

Then the group went to get ready then got to go to the KFC to eat so then they all went

then got big chickens for the animals and got their own chicken. Then the next day john

said ‘bye bye guys see yous when i see you’ then john went back home.

FEED BACK:

Good & Bad

1. Punctuation 1. Need more dialouge
2. Has Paragraph 2. more full stops
3. Great sentences
4. A lot of words