This is my writing last week Friday.
CIRCUS
‘Welcome to the circus’ said John ‘WEE HOO’ the audience happily
clapped as they got into their seats. ‘Hello everyone our group is called
the five we are going to
present the most dangerous talent ever! So the group came out to get ready for
the show.
First the Five started the walking rope while juggling so the first animal the
saber tooth tiger went to walk the rope but as he was walking he was struggling
to walk so one of the instructions went up the ladder to get a stick so the tiger can
focus walking but as he got up the tiger was so so hungry so he thought it was a
random so the
The tiger tried to rush his walking to get to the man.
Suddenly the tiger struggled and falled slowly down the rope into a big bucket
that was opened, ‘Oh my god’ said one of the audience then the whole group all
went down to the tiger to check if he was alright but the tiger didn't move at all so
they called the ambulance. They arrived as fast as they could then he checked his
pouls but he was still breathing, ‘thank god’ said the instructor.
But as they were getting the saber tiger to safety another tiger was trying to walk
the rope so the group waited to see if he was gonna fall so they can catch him or
catch him in he was walking along the rope like it was nothing then he actually made
it then the instructor
decided to carry on the show. So then they went to do the high jump so then the five
all jumped it then moved on to the next one holding their breath the longest this talent
has never been shown before so everyone got out their snacks and drinks to enjoy this
dangerous talent. To start off they got the ambulance to come in case the tiger drowns
and then got these kinds of locks so he can balance underwater.
As he went down the instructor was timing how long, pass a few minutes the tiger was
still underwater then a few hours later he still hasn't came up so then they drown the water
then the instructor put a toy tiger in the pool so the audience can think he's dead but he
was actually on the side the whole time so then they opened the bucket so they can see
that the tiger is dead then they put the tiger on top of the circus then he swinged down
the circus suddenly the audience got shocked at the tiger because it wasn't the tiger
that went in the bucket it was the saber tiger that got injured.
Then after the people that were judging the show came on the stage then gave
them the 1st place trophy to the five groups then said ‘
well done people and animals you have shown us you can really do dangerous stuff!
After the show was over the group got into the train then got ready to go home but
then one instructor said ‘ I want to leave this circus stuff, i don't like when we get someone
injured, iI want to leave and go rest for three years then come back.
Then the group went to get ready then got to go to the KFC to eat so then they all went
then got big chickens for the animals and got their own chicken. Then the next day john
said ‘bye bye guys see yous when i see you’ then john went back home.
FEED BACK:
Good & Bad
- Punctuation 1. Need more dialouge
- Has Paragraph 2. more full stops
- Great sentences
- A lot of words
